All they see is love

Despite my lack of confidence in my teaching abilities the majority of the time, I am quite stubborn when it comes to changing my ways. I feel like I always have to be right, that I always have to know the perfect way to teach a lesson successfully. In reality, however, this is an absolutely pointless notion to have, as I am a first year teacher who cannot possibly know every effective teaching technique. So when I finally remember to let my pride go and listen to my peers and colleagues for advice, it is an extremely enlightening and thought-provoking experience.

This week, my inspiring conversation was with my principal, who also happens to be my mentor for the entry-year teacher program. I’ve been discussing my classroom struggles with her via a reflective journal, and she decided to talk to me in person about my most recent entry. I had written about the fact that I try my best to stay positive no matter what type of teaching day I have, yet there are still some behavior issues that completely frustrate and confuse me. She then went on to calmly explain the perspective that she has experienced with the students at the school and how it can be successfully approached.

If I have not mentioned it before in this blog, the student population at my school is almost entirely African-American. Yet I don’t intend to make this a discussion of race, but rather a discussion of cultures. The culture that I was raised in, the way people interacted with me, and the methods that were used to teach me all throughout grade school are entirely different than those of my students. They have grown up in an environment that is completely foreign to me and that I will never quite be able to fathom. I have known this to be true for a while now, but it wasn’t until I talked to my principal that I considered the possibility that this could be affecting my ability to affectively manage my classroom.

My principal told me how many students have revealed to their intervention teacher that they are frustrated with “too many white teachers” working at the school. However, when the teacher asked them what they thought when they saw the principal, they replied that all they see is love. This is a groundbreaking statement to hear, and it means that those students have been able to look past the color of her skin to see the person she is. She told me that once I can achieve this with all of my students, the classroom environment would change drastically.

I would never say that I was racist – if I were, I highly doubt that I would even be capable of surviving a job like this. But our conversation made me realize that I don’t fully take into consideration the fact that my students are of a different culture than I am. Many frustrations I have towards their lack of organization, rambunctious behavior, and the general way they interact have become so heated because it is a vast contrast from what I experienced in school. My culture is not like theirs, and to expect them to act completely opposite from what they are surrounded by every day is ridiculous. I of course need to keep their behavior in check, but I would never want to change the heart of who they are, and I believe my disciplining has given the impression that I want to do just that. I have never seen my students as simply a color of skin, but I now fear that

The conversation with my principal has now given me many questions that have kept my head spinning. Have I tried to connect with my students in all the wrong ways? How can I utilize effective classroom management without my students feeling attacked? How can I prove my acknowledgement and respect for their perspectives without compromising my own way of being? Have I already started to compromise my personal way of teaching by trying to be too much like the “tougher” teachers in the school? I am incredibly ashamed that I have not contemplated all of this sooner in the school year, especially when I start to think back on all the management methods I had thought were successful may have actually come off as arrogant and snobby. But as I said at the beginning of this post, it is foolish to believe that I know everything about teaching, and I should be grateful that someone was caring enough to help put these thoughts spinning in my head at all.

Hopefully one day I can prove to all my students that I see them as more than just a skin color, and in turn when they see me they see nothing but genuine love.