"The road to glory..."

It has been a very long time since I’ve last written on here. There have been several reasons for my neglect. For one, I have now entered a time in the school year where I have become ridiculously overwhelmed. With the end of the first quarter bringing tons of grading and catch-up time and the beginning of the second quarter bringing the lovely unexpected surprise of a ton of new classes, the past few weeks have been a lot to deal with. This busy period also involves preparation time for my first (and the school’s first) music performance; thinking about this event has left me feeling excited, overwhelmed, scared, and discouraged (and often all four at once).

Finally, as much as it pains me to admit this, I have been avoiding writing a blog entry because I was incredibly afraid of what the end product would be. Although the past month of school has had its positive moments, it has also been incredibly frustrating and has left me unsure of my teaching ability, my future career, and myself as a human being many a time. What hasn’t helped is that I have also become deeply concerned about my life outside of school. Working at a place where the kids could usually care less about me and treat my class like a punishment – and where the administration and fellow teachers seem to have the same mindset – and then coming home to an empty apartment and feeling like everyone close to me now sees me as an afterthought has become emotionally draining. I know I let a lot of it get to my head too much, but when I’m surrounded by so much negativity, stress, and frustration on a daily basis I find it extremely hard to feel anything but depressed.

Despite all of these draining emotions, there is one little message that keeps me going every morning: “Your road to glory will be rocky, but fulfilling.” I got it on a fortune cookie around the time that I started to become overwhelmed by everything. It may have just been coincidence, but I think it was a small reminder from something or someone to never forget why I took this job. It may not be what I had anticipated, and it may be harder than I could have ever planned. But I wanted to teach in a place like this because I wanted to be more than just a teacher – I wanted to be a changer of lives. I wanted to be the change I saw in the world.

Let’s just hope I can make some sort of positive change by the end of the school year.