To Review the Week...

Wow, I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I last wrote. I just haven’t been the most motivated to record my daily findings, triumphs, and tribulations. But now I’ve had the time to contemplate and reflect on the events that bothered me this week and have discovered several positives where I had originally thought only problems existed. I’ll try my best to summarize my ups and downs.

I have written a lot of referrals this week. Probably not a lot compared to what more seasoned teachers at my school have done, but I still have a lot. For those teachers out there who may be reading this, let me try and give you some perspective on my position: Picture that one kid in your class who acts out, talks back, gets frustrated, and would most likely do a lot better in school if he or she had specialized teaching or extra help. Now, multiply that by about 10 or 15 for each class period. Those are the students that I am constantly facing, and although we have an excellent special education staff that is consistently testing students and meeting individualized needs, there are simply not enough of them to reach every student at once. Ergo, I am faced with the challenge of keeping attitudes and moments of acting out at bay, and sometimes the best I can do is write the student up so that I can call home and alert the parent or guardian of their issues. It is the school’s procedure, and until I can find a more effective method I’m sticking to it. I got most nervous of this procedure this week when I got my first angry parent phone call in response to her son being written up. I stood my ground, but it still shook me, and I wish I could find another way to successfully bring attention to the troublesome students whose parents are in complete denial that they need help.

On the lighter side of parent interaction, I met several parents at our Open House who were very pleased to talk to me. I even had a mom who told me her daughter absolutely had to come visit my room that night because I was her favorite teacher. I’m someone’s favorite! Those few positive parent and student interactions that arise during any given week definitely make up for the unnerving ones.

We also had our first day of drumming on Friday. Many of my hopes were quickly shattered when I realized that I have yet to find an effective way to get students to behave long enough to learn correct drumming techniques. Even classes that had lost time on the drums because of their behavior the day before could not shape up enough to get through the lesson. I really still don’t understand the logic of these students – wouldn’t they rather follow directions and get to make music the entire period rather than cause trouble, only get to make music for a short time, and get written in their behavior folders? Their inability to grasp this one important and seemingly simple concept is still baffling to me.

Despite their lack of respect and illogical behavior, my students definitely possess a high level of natural musical talent. I had my Kindergartners keeping steady beat within the first lesson. I had my Sixth and Eighth Graders matching rhythm syllables to music lyrics. There were even students from the interview lesson I taught back in May remember specific details of the drumming sequence I did with them. Once I reel them in, the things they can do with music are astounding. It’s the hooking part that I can’t quite seem to get yet. And if I get it…no, WHEN I get it.... the end result will be amazing.

In other news, it has been days since I’ve seen Hug Boy. My mornings have been a little empty without him around to catapult himself into my arms…er, well, more like my leg.

Another Manic Monday, and Hug Boy

Today was definitely a Monday. The kids were dragging, the teachers were dragging, and you knew everyone was already psyched for Friday to be here. For some reason, this Monday seemed especially draining. Maybe it was the fact that I had an extra 10 kids in almost every class because the Spanish teacher has yet to show her face. Or perhaps it was the fact that I was running errands all during my break. Or maybe I was too worn out from my fretful weekend that I couldn’t process any more classroom woes. I think it was a combination of all three.

It’s really frustrating to feel like I’ve already run out of effective classroom management techniques and it’s only the third week of school. I’m learning a few new ones each day, but they don’t work much longer than about five minutes. I made up my own writing assignments for my kids over the weekend, and I was able to give one out already today, so we’ll see how it works. It’s difficult for me to determine what kind of punishment is a fair punishment. The main culprit in my room is that people are constantly talking over me. It’s rude, it’s disrespectful, and they know it’s not how to treat any teacher – or, from a parent’s perspective, it could be a new teacher’s sheer inability to control her classroom. I actually had a parent stop by today to pick up her child early from school. She peered in to my room of chaos and disorder (of course she had to come into the class where I had boys doing back flips in the middle of the room), and she asked me how long I had been teaching at the school. When I said it was my first year, she practically had a “well NOW it all makes sense” look on her face. I know that a very young and new teacher equates to “fresh meat” for students, but does that really have to mean that my teaching will not be taken seriously at all? I’m afraid that when I make my next phone call home, the parent will just pass it off as my inability to control my classroom and teach well. I fear that it may be why the parent I called last week never returned my voicemail.

On the lighter side, there were some kids that I was very excited to see today. Like all of the students to whom I gave “ROCKSTAR” awards – it was awesome to see their faces light up when they saw the “treasure chest” I made up with all the random trinkets I had collected over the years. Or the little four-year-old with adorable, slightly pudgy cheeks that smiles and waves to me whenever she walks by me. And I will always love seeing the kid I have affectionately named “Hug Boy” come down the hall every morning. He gives the best hugs I have ever gotten from a kid, bearing his toothy grin and his arms open wide as he careens into my leg. What’s even better is that I don’t even think I have him in my class yet.

Oh Hug Boy – it’s you who gets me through days like today.

P.S. - For any of you teachers out there that may be reading my blog, please feel free to offer any suggestions for effective classroom management.

A One-Man Army

I tried my hardest this weekend to do what my art teacher suggested – I tried to let go and forget about what went on at school last week. I tried to forget things that people said, what people did, what went wrong. But random thoughts kept swimming through my head and wouldn’t stop. And by random, I really do mean just that. For instance, of all the issues I have to worry about in the classroom, I’ve surprisingly had the biggest problems with kids going to the bathroom. Now that I’m down the furthest hallway, I’m afraid to let my babies go down and get into trouble, so I finally made a rule that nobody could go to the bathroom unless it was an absolute emergency. I mean their classroom teachers should take them regularly enough during the day, right? Well the minute I had a student tell me that if she wet herself her dad said she would “get a whoopin’” when she got home, worries started racing through my head: Have I really let something as silly as going to the bathroom put my kids in harm’s way? Have I done anything else that warranted one of my kids getting in serious trouble, beaten, or worse at home? Have I been too lax about the well being of my class? I have spent so much time trying to be “Tough Miss G” that I ruined the potential atmosphere of safety and security in my classroom?

With these and countless other questions practically drowning my thoughts this weekend, I suddenly realized just how alone I felt in this whole endeavor. I know that I am of course on my own when I’m in the classroom with my kids. However, I have yet to experience much guidance in terms of how to deal with the unexpected problems I am now facing. Occasionally, the Principal or Academy Director will walk by and ask how I’m doing, and I’ll say that I’m doing okay or I’ll ask them a quick question that is currently on my mind and requires a quick response. But what would happen if I ever tried to ask them for help on classroom management, serious behavior issues, or other questions that took more than a two-sentence response? They’re always rushing around and talking to me in passing, I never know when they have spare time to talk with me. I am set up to be a one-man army in a battle that I have never fought, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stand my ground alone. Even worse, I am now at the far end of the hallway, which means that I’m not only fighting my own battle but I’m stuck on my own island with very little means to call in reinforcements if necessary. Essentially, I just don’t know if my defense is strong enough for everything that will come my way.

As a side note, I was also kind of bothered by he fact that I didn’t make it into my principal’s “Kudos” list this week. She sends us an email each day, and every once in a while she likes including specific praise to teachers who were caught performing their jobs outstandingly. This week, she had an extremely long list of teachers…and I was not one of them. I know my teaching hasn’t been extraordinary in the least, but after everything that has been going on I thought I would get something, like “Kudos to Miss G for being so understanding when we moved her classroom” or “Kudos to Miss G for actually getting her students singing!” or “Kudos to Miss G for trying her best to help us create a solid music curriculum at the school.” Just sayin’.

(By the way, the last comment was for my mom, and anyone else who happened to see the “Just Sayin’” bit on John Stewart the other night)

Smiles are hard to come by

Honestly, today was not the best end to my week. What’s funny is that I had been feeling so high from my progress as of yesterday. Yes, I hadn’t had perfect classes, but I had found myself following a stride that I felt was promising. I mean I was able to handle comforting a crying 4-year-old who was scared and missing her mother while simultaneously barking orders to out-of-control students and handing out referrals without even breaking a sweat. I even made my first parent phone calls (though I couldn’t get ahold of them). When I had left yesterday, I was pleased to be finishing Week Two on the up side of things.

Unfortunately, my last day of the week did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. Instead of singing, playing games, and having fun before the weekend, I was signing folders, giving lunch detentions, yelling at the top of my lungs, and sending people to the nurse because they couldn’t play games without hitting each other. I mean really, who has ever heard of someone getting sent to the nurse because they got hurt in music class?

By the end of the day, I was immensely frustrated that all I did was discipline. Even giving out my first “Rock Star” Award was a bust because the girl was absent, which simply meant that everyone else in the class whined because they wanted the award instead. I know it’s only my second week and I can’t have all the answers on classroom management, but a large part of me greatly wishes that I had enough skill to finally get past this chaos and teach. I feel like I have failed my kids because I can’t get their attention long enough to teach them music – I want this to be the class where they can have fun, learn something new, and feel a unique sense of accomplishment, and I still don’t know how to give that to them. And it makes me sick to think about the first time my principal comes in to observe me. Here she is excited to see singing and instrument playing, and all she’ll be getting is mushy minds and frustrated kids.

Although it means giving up my only break during the day, I must visit my art teacher next week to see how he works. He is supposedly the king of classroom management at our school, and since I feel myself growing into a dunce I could greatly benefit from his knowledge. I can only hope that it’s not already too late to start rebuilding the bridges I have started to burn with some of my classes.

Frustrations...and Triumphs

Slight setback this morning – I found out from my principal that I was going to be moved to another room in the building. I’m assuming it’s because the teacher next door to me is worried about my class being too noisy and hearing music through the wall. I understand her worry, and I really do not want to be the one to interrupt these kids’ learning. But honestly, what did they expect to happen when they put me next to another classroom?

Although my initial reaction was one of frustration and disappointment, I decided to be proactive and make a list of pros and cons, with the goal being to have more pros than cons on said list. Here’s what I have so far:

Pro: My kids will get to make as much noise (which I SWEAR will one day become actual music) as they want to in the new room without getting complaints.

Con: My new room is now so far away from anyone else, I’m afraid of finding myself in a situation where I won’t be able to find help.

Pro: I will be right across the way from the supply closet where all of my extra music equipment is still stored.

Con: I had just brought three cart loads of instruments from said supply closet all the way down the hall, only to bring it all the way back again.

Pro: Despite previous talks of me being on a cart to go to my babies’ classes (aka Kindergarten through Fourth Grade) because they were afraid of transitioning through the older students’ hallway, I will now be able to have everyone come to me.

Con: Gosh darn it…I’m going to be lonely down there ☹

Pro: After this whole mess is figured out (did I mention I have to do all of my moving before Monday?), I’m hoping to use this as leverage to guilt trip the administration into letting me have a decently sized budget to buy new classroom materials…Haha, just kidding! But seriously, I haven’t completely taken it out of the picture.
Despite this minor frustration in the morning, as well as various other headaches formed with my kids today, I did experience several triumphs by the end of the afternoon. Like the fact that the P.E. teacher recognizes that I have a backbone, which has not been easy to prove to some people in this setting and something I found quite flattering. Or having my principal tell me that I was special to her and that she would do anything she could to make sure I got whatever help I needed to build my curriculum. But my favorite praise by far today was when our assistant principal said he’s been telling everyone about how excited he is that I’m already getting some of my kids to sing. He even went home and told his wife – it’s kind of cool to think that what I do can literally hit home some times.

So with this long day done, I officially retire for some much-needed rest…as long as I can fall asleep in this thunderstorm.

Finding a smile in every day

I would be flat-out lying my little teacher’s patootie off if I said it was easy to find a reason to smile every day at school. I have already faced many a day where I feel like my face is frozen in that horrible scowl I give my classes who are acting up. Even though my personal promise to smile at least once in every class has not been working so well, I can always follow up on that goal on paper. I have a teacher plan book that I write in every day when I can (*Note to music teachers, especially in General Music: Janet Day’s Music Teacher Plan-It is an absolute Godsend). I have a space for each period to write what we accomplished (always good to see), what we didn’t accomplish (unfortunately that part has been getting longer and longer for some classes), and any other extra notes I want to remember for that particular class. Whenever I have a class that has been especially good, for whatever reason, I put a smiley face in their box. It may be given for something major, like the fact that we got through an entire lesson, actually made music, AND we all enjoyed ourselves. Believe it or not, I have honestly made several smileys for this. It could also be for something seemingly small, like the fact that they really enjoyed singing for once or the kids made me laugh or they stayed focused just a few minutes longer than they had the period before. Whatever the reason, being able to see how many smiles can fill my planner for the day, the week, the month, or the year gives me just enough hope that something good is already happening in my class. And that hope pushes me to make those smiles multiply by the end of my term with this batch of kids.

Unfortunately, I could not write many smiles about today. I blame it on something in the water, a possible full moon, or a strange virus going around, because all of the other teachers had the same bizarre experiences with their classes. But it’s no matter – it just means that I will look for more smiles tomorrow. After all, as a fortune cookie I got once said, “Your smile is a curve that can get a lot of things straight.”

☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺

Things to Teach Your Kid

Sometimes I won’t have a lot of time for a really long post (I know, it’s shocking that I won’t always write a small novel). Tonight, I will instead leave you with my current “Top Ten” list of things to teach your kids, which are based on my current experiences in the classroom (and with other people):

1. Respect your elders. No matter how much older they are than you, they are still people that deserve your trust and kindness.
2. Respect your peers. It doesn’t matter if they are white, black, or purple polka-dotted; they are people all the same.
3. Always use your manners...And no, the term “I gotta USE it!” is not a polite way to ask to go to the bathroom.
4. Treat others how you would want to be treated. If you really enjoy people giving you attitude, yelling at you, making fun of you, and the like, well then go ahead – be a turd!
5. Best friends are always waiting out there for you. It may just take a little longer than expected to find them.
6. Always take wise advice when it is offered. You never know when it will come back into play and help you break through one of life’s many obstacles.
7. You can do anything you want to in life. No seriously, you can. As long as you face a new career/love/life path with true passion and conviction, there is nobody who can honestly tell you that you can’t do it.
8. Even when you find that special life path, never forget to stop along the way and take time just for you.
9. Those you love (and who love you) are invaluable resources. They will help you through some of your toughest battles, even if they can’t fight them for you.
10. It may be hard to see sometimes, but there is always someone out there who loves you.

That’s what I could think of right now. Feel free to add to the list ☺

"Go home and forget about it all..."

I have officially finished my first week of real teaching, and oh what a week it has been! I thought the week and a half of teacher training we did prior to the students coming was overwhelming enough. Now THIS week has been a mind-melting, nerve-bending five days of new experiences and information to absorb.

For the first few days of school, “organization” was definitely not a word that was used in our vocabulary. Even though we had our brains fried by endless pieces of information the week before, us newbies were left out in the cold with many very important pieces of protocol (like how we should take attendance, since the online system has yet to be up and running). Oh, and my daily schedule was changed at least three times in the first day, meaning that not only was I totally confused about what classes I would be receiving from period to period, the classroom teachers were equally confused. This meant that I had no break the second day – not the most fun.

My kids have quite some personality too. Some of them are excellent – my “star students” as I like to call them. Unfortunately, I currently have more bad eggs in my basket than stars. In these first few days, I have already had students give me attitude, talk back to me, refuse to give me their behavior folders because I’m “just” the music teacher, declare that they don’t care about music class because their parents said their reading and math grades matter more, complain that they like Spanish class better, and say that they are glad they only have music every other day. As much as it has genuinely hurt me to hear these opinions, I have tried my absolute best to stay firm. I have marked in students’ behavior folders left and right, given writing assignments, talked to students out in the hall, talked to their homeroom teachers, and any other defense I could muster on the spot. A sort of “fight or flight” instinct kicks in when faced with such an extreme classroom management fiasco – the teacher either stays firm and follows through, or she doubts and lets her kids walk all over her. As much as I prefer Happy Ms. G over Tough Ms. G, I had to make a choice, and I chose to fight. You wouldn’t go into a battle without your armor, right?

That all being said, there were some genuinely enjoyable parts to the week. One of my 2nd Grade classes, for instance, are some of the greatest kids I have ever taught. When I played a recording of myself in one of my 8th Grade classes, they called it “beasty”. They’re already learning various aspects of good behavior I’m trying to instill, like raising their hands before speaking, not saying “shut up” (a very very bad habit all of these kids have), and using words like “Ma’am” and “Sir.” They don’t like all of the music I have shown them, but they do like some and are giving some very insightful responses. Oh, and my favorite part of the week was when one of my 6th Grade classes called me “jumptified” because of my piano playing skills and sweet dance moves (okay…maybe they’re not totally sweet, but they’re not bad). It’s moments like these that I hold on to when I go home at the end of the day, and the moments that inspire me to wake up and do it all again the next day.

I have already immersed myself in the habit of bringing work home with me to affect practically every other aspect of my life. I’m always updating lesson plans, checking my work email, and looking for more supplies. Heck, even on my days off, I’ve woken up in the middle of giving lessons in my sleep. But my art teacher, who I can already tell is going to be a priceless resource this year, gave me some very sage advice: the minute you leave school, you forget about it all. This is not to say that I shouldn’t care about my kids outside of school hours, as I most definitely will. But there will be stories I hear, experiences I have, and emotions I feel within this year that simply cannot affect me at home if I hope to keep my sanity. I need to be able to decompress, relax, and find time for my own peace of mind each day. As much as I like to have the heart of a martyr, I also need to worry about my own well being now. After all, how can I expect to be there for my kids if I am not completely there myself?

Essentially, this first week was an incredibly overwhelming, tiring, and eye opening experience. And I know there is much more to come in this next week…that’s what will be inspiring me to get up and go back tomorrow morning.